We no lengthier feel the social pressure to confine kebokepo sex to dedicated relationships. In fact , we’re free to explore our libido with just about anyone we like. Sex is now an accepted recreational activity. What we often don’t realize, however, is that even casual, recreational sex still involves intimacy. We all may have overcome our fear and shame about sex, but many of all of us still have issues regarding intimacy. If we experience more intimacy than we can handle, we will feel threatened; our safety checklist will be triggered. Simply no matter how “safe” we make sex, sex may well not be safe to all of us.
When we experience an orgasm, we reveal ourself more completely and more honestly than at any other time. We let our egos die for a moment, and we hold the chance to experience a true connection with another person. Then the pride returns into the picture, and we’re hit with the fear of separation, and all of our old patterns. If we don’t have enough trust or enough safety, we will feel threatened, responsible, and generally unsafe. No matter how much society’s beliefs about sex have evolved in our life time, our core conditioning lets us know that there’s no such thing as no-strings sexual intercourse. We still equate sex with love, and love with commitment. And we equate love and commitment with vulnerability, responsibility, and the fear that our needs will never be met.
Sex is super easy to come by in today’s society. Exactly what the majority of us crave, nevertheless , is not sex, but intimacy. The challenge is that the only model almost all of us have for expressing or experiencing intimacy is sex. Intimacy requires trust, and trust takes time. It’s very difficult to experience true intimacy through everyday sex.
The level of intimacy we experience through sex can be threatening to many of us, particularly if the sex occurs early in the relationship. Safety is essential at first of a relationship–even the smallest security violation can mark the final of a budding love. As we get to know our partners with time, we create a foundation of trust and familiarity. We can keep minor security violations in perspective. This specific is not the case when we have truly informal sex with someone.
Whenever we become sexual with a person we’ve just met, even the smallest protection violation will be enough to stop our getting to know each other. One of the challenges is the fact is actually not usually appropriate or possible to have a Relationship Definition Talk with a person we’ve known less than six hours. There is no real relationship to discuss. While we both may have wanted to pursue a romantic relationship before we had intercourse, we often find we are going to less interested the next morning, because we feel unsafe. We experienced too much intimacy too quickly, and we need to create some distance, some space, and put up some walls so that we can recover. These walls, however, block the emotional and spiritual connections we experienced that made us want to get to know the other person to begin with. Since we don’t really know our partner, we wonder if there was ever an authentic connection between us. We regularly conclude with the awkward “morning after” where one of all of us promises to call the other, and neither individuals believes the phone will actually ring. Two popular tv shows demonstrate our current approaches to sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex.